The Pizza Boy, My Neighbor, and some Bitching

I promised a friend that I would post about what happened two nights ago when the pizza delivery guy came over. Trust me that I would love to take the time to write it out play by play and weave the story into an elaborate, wank-worthy tale, but I am just way too ticked off right now. So the short story is that the other night I ordered pizza and it turned out that the guy who delivered the pizza is Jay, my new friend Eddie’s cousin. However, Jay is not a bi-boi, he is 100% red-blooded American gay. He is awesome and funny and slut-proud like me.

While he was here and I was chatting his ear off and making him late for getting back to work, we starting hearing noises from out in the hall. At first we thought there was a fight so we ran outside, but there was definitely no fight – Bobby and this really cute blonde girl (I say girl, but she looked like maybe she’s in her 30s) were up against the wall next to his door. They were both still dressed but he had her skirt hiked up and he was fingering her hard and fast. Her eyes were closed tight and she was sucking her breath in through her teeth like she was about to come when Jay said “Damn, boy.”

Damn, boy? Damn, boy? Thanks, Jay! Now Bobby thinks we’re rednecks. Great.

Blonde Girl snapped her eyes open and looked at us, mortified, but Bobby didn’t miss a beat. He stroked her clit furiously for several more seconds and then casually lowered her skirt and then waved at Jay and me like we’d just caught him bringing in his mail. He produced his keys from his pants pocket, unlocked his door, and escorted his stunned companion inside. Jay and I just stood there in the hall, jaws gaping like idiots, I’m sure, for I guess a minute when Jay finally said, “Girl, you need to go eat your pizza before it gets cold.”

What a weird, awkward, yet hot afternoon. The pizza was pretty good, too.

But um, yeah, so, yeah…

Ok now the bitching.

Doing what I do online attracts attention, which is good. Hell, it’s kind of the point. I would say that the overwhelming majority of the people that I interact with are just awesome motherfuckers. I talk with people in chat rooms, forums, message boards, through e-mail, and of course to my clients on the phone, and I’ve met some terrific, sexy, entertaining people from all over the planet. Unfortunately, one person has finally stepped in to be the douche bag of the crowd by “reporting me” to yahoo. Somebody was offended by my yahoo.com profile and yahoo has threatened to yank my account.

So whoever that was, I just want to not say “fuck you.” Because you don’t deserve to get fucked – fucking is a good thing. You deserve your dry, dusty, closed-off existence. And holy shit – if my yahoo profile is too much for you, you just may want to avoid about 99% of the internet. I’m pretty sure its all just porn.
Here, have a video:

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